I Remember...

I remember stalking your instagram sophmore year

I remember being just your friend

I remember watching you make out with my best friend

I remember when he told you he didnt like you

I remember when I made you feel better

I remember when you told me that you liked me

I remember our first kiss

I remember our fince dance together

I remember when you moved

I remember the day your dad got re-married

I remember you throwing me a surprise party

I remember sneaking out with you in St. George

I remember how being in a class with you is the best thing ever

I remember going to prom with you

I remember becoming your best friend

And I will never forget

A World Reborn

Dear A World Reborn (Dallin Asay),


I want to say thank you.  Thank you for being real, and for being honest.  I know that sharing your feelings can be scary to do, but its reality.  You've been real and I respect you so much for that.  I've decided the most meaninful White Elephant gift I can give you is some advice.

Im gonna be honest with you, reading some of the things you wrote on your blog made me sad.  But thats mostly because I kinda know how you feel.  Freak dude I know life is sucky sometimes, and maybe thats how your whole life has been.  But you're so young, you have so much more life ahead of you.  Look forward to that.  We are young, we may feel like we know a lot, but actually we have so much to learn.

I have felt some of the things that you have felt before.  And I've learned so much from that.  I've learned that life is all about perspective.

When you feel like your head is just gonna explode and that youre just a mess, all you need to do is simpify.  Realize where the things you are feeling are coming from.  If they dont make you feel good, chances are they arent true.  Happiness is a choice that you make every single day.  Happiness comes from the little things.

We all Live in a Bubble

Here its a little too easy to feel like trouble 

Life has so much good, and so much bad

Comparing yourself to others will only make you sad

With all the confusion being thrown at us these days

The "straight and narrow" feels more like a maze

But in the end it doesnt matter if the Glass if 1/2 empty or full

Theres water in the cup, if you dont drink it youre a fool

B̶L̶A̶C̶K̶ O̶U̶T̶

▪️▫️Falling in Love▫️▪️

First you have to breathe 

Love needs to be fed 

It may break a few things 

Love makes messes 

But love never stops 

The End of the Beginning

This is the week we are all supposed to reveal our pen names.  It's scary stuff. For me I'm not too worried because I already revealed who I am.  Dan Humphrey is Adam Canfield. 

To be honest I'm not really sure if you even know who Adam Canfield is.  Because I don't talk very much and I think I'm scared of what you think about me.  But maybe you should know who I am. 

Something I've learned over these few months of writing behind a pen name is that you've just gotta be yourself. There's really nobody else to be. 

Yes we have all been different people in the sense that we have been using different names for ourselves, but I promise you everything that came from Dan Humphrey was coming straight from my head. I've learned to be sure of who I am, and to be that person.

Goosebumps Guaranteed

Watch this

Letter To My Heart

Shalom, 

How's it going down there? I've never actually seen you, but I've seen you trying to break out. I can see you pounding on my chest whenever you get beating really fast. 

I'm glad you know how to take a punch. I've gotta give you that. I know I should listen to you more...maybe I just can't hear what you're saying most of the time because of everything else that is going on. Maybe we speak different love languages. Whatever it is, I'm sorry I don't listen to you more. 

Thanks for always beating for me you bloody mess. 

Exposed

Surprise was the word on my blue ticket. 

So I guess I'll surprise you. 

My name is Adum. 

How To Be a Best Friend

-Be nice

-Take the L sometimes. You don't always have to be right. 

-Drive to school together. 

-Tough Love, smack em when you need to. Show you care enough about them that you want them to be better.

-Play FIFA 

-Make some food 

-Sleepover 

-Kiss up to their mom

-Disagree and Fight. Then resolve things 

-Validate what the the person is saying or thinking 

-Be real 

-Make fun of each other 

-Be nice 

-Be nice 

Fear?

A mirror. Yes. I think a mirror can be one of the scariest things in the world. Looking yourself in the eye, that's hard to do. 

Considering all the fears you could have. Most of these fears are completely irrational. And especially irrelevant when you come to the realization that you're going to die. Why would you be worried about what others may be thinking about you when one day you'll die and that won't matter at all? Be happy with who you are. Accept yourself for who you are. Stare into the mirror, and see yourself as you truly are. Alive and full of potential. 

You Are Dying

There is something completely mind capturing yet mind blowing about the concept of time.  A fabric made up of moments.  No matter how hard you try, you have no control over anything except this very moment.  The one thats right now.  

You never know what the future is gonna be like.  You cant change the past. So live for the moments.  Dont complain. Say something nice to someone. Breathe, Smile, laugh.  Take your dog on a walk.  Eat some freakin yummy food.  But most importantly...

Be alive.

Being alive isnt something you really have any control over.  Did you know that every year, 2 million people die of dehydration?! So really it doesnt matter if the glass is 1/2 empty or 1/2 full.  If theres water in the cup, drink the dang water.  

Nokia

A brick weighs approximately 3 pounds.  I would say thats enough weight to hold you down.  Especially if youre walking around with a brick in your pocket.

I would like to draw a parralel from bricks to phones.

These "bricks" we all carry around have great power.  I find it odd and disturbing how dependant we are on them.  Like real bricks, they can either be used constrcutively, or destructively.  Instead of "breaking a window", "build a house" with your brick.  Be careful how you use your brick, and tighten that belt on those pants you are wearing.  You wouldnt want that heavy thing in your pocket to make your pants fall down.

Love is Like Falling Asleep

Let's say that once you have fallen asleep, you are in love 

First you get tired. Then you decide its time to go to bed so you start getting ready. You brush your teeth, change into pajamas, say a prayer, etc. 

Once you're in bed and the lights are off, your mind wonders. You start thinking. You think about the previous day and everything that happened. You think about the next day and everything that could happen. 

You toss and turn, experimenting with different positions trying to find just the right one so that you are comfortable. 

Then it's slow...well at first that's what it seems like, then before you know it, you're sleep. And you don't even realize that it's happened. 

Once you're asleep (in love), you have dreams. They could be good or bad, but once you're in love, the last thing you want to do is wake up. 

Try no to move to much in your sleep or you may wake up on the wrong side of bed. 

Shawty

Dear Blake Lively, 

Girl you is fine 

Dat smiles benign 

Your teeth got some shine 

Dat booty is divine 

I'm lucky you're mine

Roses are red 

Violets are blue

I've never met anyone 

As beautiful as you 

Your smile, your laugh 

Your personality, your looks 

I'm your prince, you're my princess

Like in fairytale books 

You make me happy 

Pimple 

I feel like my heart is popping 

It's simple 

My heart plays Jump rope inside my chest 

I'm always so excited, for what is gonna happen next 

My heart then jumps down to my rib cage, and swings around like on monkey bars 

I feel like a kid again 

You heal all my scars 

 

Nope. Not a Fwrackin Robot

Reasons why I'm not a robot 

1. I went to the bathroom 5 minutes ago 

2. I drank water that made it so I had to go to the bathroom 

2. I get bloody noses daily 

3. I cried last week 

4. I mess up 

5. I have emotion

5. I got mad at my dad

6. I have a dad

7. I have a mom 

8. I did two #5's on this list 

8. I don't know what comes after the number 8

8. My body is growing 

8. I learn 

8. I grow 

8. I'm Alive 

"You've got that one thing"

There's this one thing, it's called food. I love it. 

She's always been there for me. From frothy liquids to voluptuous meals, no matter what life throws at me, I can always count on her to be there for me. When our lips touch, I swear I can taste the next 60 years of my life. I would literally die without her. I need her. She's my everything. When I've had a long day, when I am feeling down about myself, she always knows exactly how to make me feel good again. I think the best part is that I know she's never gonna leave me. We will never break up. I find such peace in that. I love her (food) 

Say These Things More

You better be 16

Top 10 Dates 

1. Tandem biking in Provo canyon

2. Drive-in Movie 

3. Go to DI, pick out each other's outfits (whatever the heck you want the other person to wear) then go classic skating. 

4. Netflix and Chill?..

5. Ice castles 

6. Dinner, movie, temple square lights, Starbucks, sleigh ride, walk on the steps of Capitol building. 

7. Take yourself on a date. Get yourself some quality grub, and go see a movie. 

8. Concert

9. State Fair/ Rodeo 

10. Horseback riding/ picnic 

Crans

How to get your crayons back 

- keep a journal

- do things you're scared to do

- eat little kid snacks 

- Unlearn caring what others think of you

- take lots of pictures 

- watch your favorite Disney movies 

- talk to lots of people 

- find something you love, and do it everyday 

- do stupid things 

- grow your hair out

- ignore everybody 

- express your feelings

- go outside and play (like recess) 

- build forts

- go on adventures 

- read 

- try new things 

Always remember, you are what you love, not what loves you. 

PDA. Stop it

I have one quetion. Why publicly display affection? That just seems uncomfortable. 

Don't get me wrong, I think it's so great that people like each other. It's so tender. But why do people feel like they need to show that affection at school or in other public places? We've all seen those couples that feel like they need to hug for 500 years and constantly stroke their lover before they go to their next class period...it's almost like they aren't capable of communicating with each other unless they are within 0 inches of each other. 

And why do some people think they need to post their affection all over social media? It's like..."6 months and 17 days and 4 hours with my girl. I love you so so so so much babe." 

Thats great and all. But who cares? The only reason I care is because I have to look at this garbage.

It's kinda sad to me. It's just unecessary. It's so great to say and do those things. But say them to the person that needs to hear it. Not every single person who follows you or walks past you in the halls.  Spare my stomach please. Enough is enough.

My favorite hat

Everyone wears hats. Everyone has different hats. Different hats that they wear around different people. 

Of all my many hats, my favorite is the one I don't have to wear.  My favorite hat is my own hair. My favorite is being comfortable in my own skin. The kind of people I can wear this "hat" around are the ones that I want to keep in my life. These are the people I care most about. These are people that love me for me. I think having to put on a hat in order to be around someone is so fake. I hate being fake. Although wearing a hat when somehwere may help you fit in or make others happy with you, and that can be a good thing. My favorite hat is the one I don't have to wear.

I don't have a favorite hat. My favorite hat doesn't exist. 

I

I have been alive for 17 years.

I have experienced a lot. 

I have had so many concussions that I don't even remember how many concussions I've had.

I once watched 2 seasons of Gossip Girl on Netflix in 1 week. 

I love shopping

I love clothes

I love food

I love spending all my money on food and clothes 

I have a broken heart 

I am freezing in the sweat of my own thoughts

I am roasting in the ice of my fear of progression 

I have myself a shawty 

I love how much I hate life 

I am a clean mess. 

Thoughts

"With our thoughts we make the world."  Welcome to my world.  

I feel what I am thinking...

I think what I am feeling...

Where did this cycle begin?

I think to much.  I overthink everything.  I think about everything. 

Question, why do humans have armpit hair? Should I be worried about my brother who shaves his armpits? Should I call him Catilyn? Why did Bruce Jenner want to be Catilyn? Maybe only God knows that.  I could be a God one day.  

Sometimes I feel too much.  Sometimes I feel too little.

I'm pretty sure that I am in love.  At least that's what I think. I'm in love.  Where am I going with this?  Where am I going with my life?  Wherever and Whatever it is, it's gonna be great.

Welcome to my world.